I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We don't watch enough power rangers
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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