Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
