I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
