How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
