i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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