my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
