Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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