PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
