I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
