my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
