My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
