The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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