I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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