listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
