i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
