girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
