4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
