If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
