I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
