how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize