That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
