You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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