Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
only if we run a train.
done.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
