I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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