On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
