I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
