tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
