What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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