we have officially lost it.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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