Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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