Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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