Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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