Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
