So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
