My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
