You smell like stripper and shame
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
