You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
