Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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