closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
