...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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