Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
