i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
