Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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