I want to stick my p in your. b.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize