if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
