Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
