Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
