It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize