i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
