hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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