i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
