He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
