You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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