So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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