you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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