He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
