Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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