I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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