so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
