We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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