oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
