He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
