i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize