he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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