Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
