i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize