I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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