so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
