I think I won the penis lottery.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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