i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
