He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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