You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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